What can you learn from a break up?

A break up can be a very traumatic time in your life, it can be incredibly upsetting and very distressing. Eventually the heartbreak will pass as these things do and you will move on with your life and eventually into the next relationship.

But it would be a missed learning opportunity not to look back on your previous relationship and also how you recovered from the break up. Once you have recovered from the heartbreak you should look back and see if there are any lessons that can be learnt and what you can be proud of and maybe also not so proud of

Obviously no relationship is the same so everyone’s lessons and experiences will be completely personal to themselves.

What caused the break up, was it you both wanting different things in life and going in different directions. Did you fall out of love with each other, why did you fall out of love, did you both stop making the effort with each other. It is often easy to blame breakdown of a relationship on the other person and sometimes it is, but I would think most times it is the fault of both parties. What can you learn from this? Well maybe you need to talk more with the other person and nip the silly arguments in the bud early. I know from my own experience I would let things build up until it would end up in one big argument. In my new relationship I have adapted my behaviour and talk about the things that annoy me early, saving a big bust up later down the line.

I have also learnt to let the little things go more, obviously this is very personal to me but it is something I learned about myself after my last relationship. I could really hold on to a point and would not let it go, pretty annoying for someone I can imagine, but its not until I look back upon this behaviour with fresh eyes that I can see how annoying this can be.

When I came out of my previous relationship I lost about 2 stone, I was not fat by any means but bigger than I should have been, and it proved to me that I had let myself go. I had, like too many of us do, become very comfortable in my relationship and as a result gained a few pounds (stone!!). And I wondered why she broke up with me!!

However getting back into the dating game, and obviously I want to look my best, so I attend the gym regularly and watch what I eat and wear nice clothes. So why did I not do this in my relationship? Laziness, an easy life, I don’t honestly know but whatever the reason I now know that this was a mistake and have promised myself not to act like this again and always make an effort, and I feel better for it.

What am I proud of? Well I am proud of myself for being able to get through the break up at a very difficult time in my life, shortly after losing my father, I am proud that I have let myself love again after being so badly hurt the fist time round. And I am proud that I can look back on my ex relationship now and have the courage to see where I may have went wrong. These are lessons that I have learnt and will take forward to my new relationship.

At work you have yearly performance review to see how you have performed, both the good points and the bad, this helps to keep us on track and focussed on the things that matter at work. Now I am not saying that you should get your new partner to grade your annual performance in an Apprentice like style!! But I think that you yourself should just think about these things every once in a while, how can you make yourself better, or at least not let yourself go, and more importantly how can you make your partner happy. Once you crack this, there is no looking back.